Today We Mourn Our Loss {Our Trisomy 18 Baby}

Published: Oct 18, 2013 · Modified: May 17, 2016 by Ashley Phipps · 1064 words. · About 6 minutes to read this article. · 66 Comments · This post may contain affiliate links · This blog generates income via ads and sponsored posts · This blog uses cookies · See our privacy policy for more info Filed Under: Trisomy 18 Baby

There are many posts that I had planned to write before I had to write this one. Some posts even already in draft form on my computer. But all of those posts, and the post that I had originally planned for today are being put on hold. Because there is something else that needs to be shared today.

We have been overwhelmed with the response to our story about our Trisomy 18 baby (read here, here, here, here, here and here). We have been overwhelmed by the love and support, the outreach and care, the thoughts and prayers that have been said on our behalf. Your kindness has forever changed us and it is not something that will ever be forgotten.

With that said, a couple of days ago, Tuesday, October 15th, 2013 was one of the saddest days of our lives. Our little baby is very active, he is constantly moving, squirming and kicking in my belly. So when he hadn't moved for over half of the day, I started to worry. I had been busy, so I took the time to drink some juice, eat something sugary and lay on my side for a while. 30 minutes later I was asleep. But when I woke up, I just knew that he had not moved.

By that point, it was 3pm and I hadn't felt our very active son move since the previous day. I knew I needed to call my doctor.

I got my daughter off the school bus and my doctor's office called me back. They squeezed me into the end of the day at a 4:30 appointment.

Thankful for good friends who were willing to watch my children at the last minute and a husband who rushed up from work, at 4:20pm my husband and I, with clasped hands walked into the doctor's office.

Of course we had to wait a little while to be seen. So we sat trying to occupy ourselves with People magazine until the doctor came in. It's amazing how "interesting" celebrities lives become when you need something else to occupy your mind besides the worst case scenario.

My doctor quickly went to find a heartbeat and struggled to find anything. When I finally heard a heartbeat and my nerves started to calm down, he reached to check my pulse at the same time. As my breathing slowed, the heartbeat slowed and I knew that was my heartbeat, not our dear baby's.

So we went into the ultrasound room to confirm what we already knew.

When our precious little boy appeared on the screen, we could tell immediately that there was no heartbeat. There was no movement. Both my husband and I instantly knew we had lost our sweet son.

The doctor confirmed what we knew.

He took measurements and confirmed that even though I was 27.5 weeks, our baby had stopped growing at 26 weeks. Making him, at best 2 lbs.

He also said that he could tell that he passed away very recently because certain changes start to happen within a few days of babies passing and nothing had happened yet. I had felt him move on Monday but nothing on Tuesday, so we suspect that sometime between Monday night and Tuesday morning, our dear sweet angel baby passed away.

It is common for Trisomy 18 babies to have intrauterine growth issues. It is common for these babies to just stop growing at some point. And it is also very common for these babies to not live to full term.

We have known all along that this was a possibility. We have known that this could happen. We were as prepared as we could be.

But we are still so heartbroken.

We had both hoped to meet our little angel baby. We had both hoped to spend even just a few short minutes with him before he went back up to heaven. But this was clearly not the plan.

We have felt him move and wriggle, roll and kick. We know he was living and for a while, thriving inside of my womb. And now we know that he is back in Heaven.

And while we mourn the loss of our son we never knew, we also mourn the loss of our hopes and dreams. We mourn the loss of our family not being fully complete on this earth. But we know that one day, we will meet him again and we will get to be with him forever.

Tuesday night I didn't sleep very well. I had cramping, was uncomfortable and honestly kept hoping this was all a bad dream.I am writing this blog post on Tuesday, but here is the plan for the rest of the week.

On Wednesday afternoon I will go back into the doctor's office to start the induction process. My doctor will give me something to help my cervix soften.

Thursday morning, October 17, 2013 I will return to the hospital and will be induced, and if all goes well, I will deliver that day.

I struggle to comprehend the reality of going through labor and childbirth for a child we already know has left this world. But at 27 weeks, there is no other option.

"The soul is like a violin string, it makes music only when it is stretched." | Today We Mourn Our Loss {Our Trisomy 18 Baby} | plus free printable | #free #printable #quote #lds

I struggle to try to prepare as best as I can for the upcoming few days, but am not really sure how.

But I do truly know that our sweet dear little boy has fulfilled his mission here on earth. I know that our son will be reunited with us again one day and that he will forever be ours.

And I know without a shadow of a doubt that through it all, we will find Joy.

Here are all the posts in this series about our family's journey:

Finding Out... {part 1}

Finding Out... {part 2}

Finding Out... {part 3}

20 Week Doctor Appointment {Our Trisomy 18 Baby}
Fetal Echo {Our Trisomy 18 Baby}
I Choose Joy! {Our Trisomy 18 Baby}

Where to Lay our Baby Down to Rest {Our Trisomy 18 Baby}

Today we Mourn the Loss {Our Trisomy 18 Baby}

Not Compatible with Life, but Compatible with Joy {Part 1}

Without the Rain there Would Never be Rainbows

Not Compatible with Life, but Compatible with Joy : Our Trisomy 18 Baby's Birth Story {Part 2}

"So You've Had 6 Pregnancies..."

Big News for Our Family and our 6th Pregnancy

More Trisomy 18 Baby

Comments

[email protected]

October 18, 2013 at 7:03 am

So sorry for your loss. I know first hand the sadness of losing a child. Nothing can be said but prayers for your peace. Praying...

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Eva Scott

October 18, 2013 at 7:16 am

I'm so so sorry for your loss Ashley. I'm thankful that you know Jesus. Praying for His peace to envelope you and your family.

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Randi~Dukes and Duchesses

October 18, 2013 at 7:26 am

I'm so sorry, Ashley. So sorry for your loss and sorry that you didn't get that time to hold your little boy. Praying for great comfort for all of you in the days ahead.

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Linda G

October 18, 2013 at 7:45 am

Oh Ashley...my hear aches for you at this time. I am so sorry your family has had to go through this, but am also thankful for your strong faith in a loving Heavenly Father and in his plan. I know that you will see your little Angel Baby again some day. Blessings and prayers for you as you continue to share your song with us. You are an amazing strength and light.

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Deborah Owen

October 18, 2013 at 8:29 am

Ashley, words escape me other than I know God will be with you each step of the way. Blessings to you all.

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Phyl Van

October 18, 2013 at 8:35 am

While the new is very sad, your post is a beautiful testimony! Praying for your and your family!

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- Patty Hibble
 
 October 18, 2013 at 10:11 am
 
 I agree with Phyl - couldn't have said it better! God be with you all, Ashley <3 
 
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Sharon @ Elizabeth & Co.

October 18, 2013 at 8:44 am

Oh Ashley, I am so sorry. I am praying you and your family. I hope you find comfort and peace.

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Courtney @ Ordinary Happily Ever After

October 18, 2013 at 8:53 am

I'm so sorry, Ashley.

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Melissa M.

October 18, 2013 at 9:27 am

So very sorry for your loss, Ashley. We are praying for you and your sweet family.

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eab1313

October 18, 2013 at 9:27 am

So so sorry. Praying that the week goes as planned and that God gives you the strength that surpasses understanding. 

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HoosierHomemade

October 18, 2013 at 9:36 am

Ashley, you are the strongest woman I know. May God bless you. Prayers and hugs to you and your family! ~Liz

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Marta Newby

October 18, 2013 at 9:38 am

Prayers for you and your family!!!

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Tarah

October 18, 2013 at 10:10 am

My heart is just breaking for you. I wish I had words to offer more comfort than I'm sorry. But I am so, so very sorry for your loss.

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Jo-Ann

October 18, 2013 at 10:19 am

So very sorry for your loss. Please know you are loved. May God carry you in his arms as you go through this time and the days,months and years ahead. Love and prayers.

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Kaysi @ Keeping it Simple

October 18, 2013 at 10:39 am

I am so sorry Ashley, it just breaks my heart that you guys didn't get a few minutes with him. Families are forever and you will get to meet him and raise him someday.

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Annette

October 18, 2013 at 10:43 am

I pray that God will give you comfort, now and in the future! He knows all things and knows your heartbreak; even though we may not understand, He is in control. Trust in Him and know that we share your tears.

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Abbey Ofs

October 18, 2013 at 10:54 am

I am so sorry Ashley. Thinking of you, your family and your sweet baby boy.

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Lisa Nelsen-Woods

October 18, 2013 at 11:07 am

I am so sorry for your loss Ashley.

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Courtney @ Sweet C's Designs

October 18, 2013 at 11:27 am

I'm so sorry to read this, Ashley. It is incredibly hard to share your journey online but I know it has to give other moms going through the same thing comfort. You are incredibly strong and brave and blessed beyond measure. xo

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RicaBlake

October 18, 2013 at 1:26 pm

My heart is breaking for you! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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Susanne B

October 18, 2013 at 1:54 pm

I am so sorry for you loss. There is nothing as painful as losing a child and I admire your bravery in sharing this with your readers. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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Sarah

October 18, 2013 at 3:06 pm

I'm so sorry Ashley. I too was hoping you would get to spend a little time with him. Thanks for being a great example of faith.

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Julie Workman

October 18, 2013 at 3:31 pm

Ashley I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for your bravery and your beautiful heart, sharing with us so vulnerably.

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allisonwest

October 18, 2013 at 4:18 pm

I have been praying for you and your family and will continue to do so. I am so sorry for your loss. 

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Dear Emmeline

October 18, 2013 at 4:40 pm

Ashley, my heart breaks for you and your family. I'll be praying for you.

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Alysen

October 18, 2013 at 4:53 pm

I have been thinking and praying for you.....we lost ours a few months ago so I know how you are feeling. It is very heartbreaking......but the only way for you to move through it is to cry, grieve, and talk about your feelings. Sending healing thoughts your way......

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Rebecca Brewer

October 18, 2013 at 7:04 pm

I cannot even come up with words to offer. I am praying for strength and peace and comfort for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story and your faith.

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[email protected]

October 18, 2013 at 8:52 pm

I am so so very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby boy. So sorry for all of your family. Thank you for sharing your story...sending healing thoughts your way. Jo-Anna

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[email protected]

October 19, 2013 at 3:40 am

It is very difficult from so far away, not knowing you from an other media than the blog to say the right words in such a situation, so rather than trying to find the words you want to hear, that I have no clue about, I'll say what I believe deep in my heart. Your baby was obvisouly a happy baby since he was moving and kicking and he left this life taht way, happy. I think it's one of the

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Laura

October 19, 2013 at 10:14 pm

I'm so sorry, Ashley. I am praying for you and your family.

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Amy

October 20, 2013 at 11:57 pm

So so sorry you have to go through this. Delivering a baby who had passed was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. Some days were ok, some days were sad, and some days I just wanted to scream. I still sometimes can see my baby in my mind, he would have been a sturdy 9 year old this year. The best comfort was knowing that we have a forever family, and that I have a son watching out for

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The Murray Crew

October 21, 2013 at 9:38 am

You're on my heart. We will be praying often for you and your sweet family this week,as you walk through this incredible loss.

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Erin

October 21, 2013 at 10:35 am

Oh goodness, I am so sorry to hear this Ashley! I will be praying for strength for you and your family during this time. Thank you for sharing your story and for being such a great testimony.

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Traci Hutton

October 21, 2013 at 10:41 am

So sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

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Angie Holden

October 21, 2013 at 2:16 pm

I am so very sorry Ashley. I am thinking of you.

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jamie @ [kreyv]

October 21, 2013 at 5:21 pm

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through. Thinking of you...

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TheresaSea

October 21, 2013 at 5:26 pm

I'm so so sorry for your loss. Even though you knew the eventual reality for your family, I cannot imagine the heartbreaking news you received this week. 🙁

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Level 1 Homemaker

October 21, 2013 at 5:49 pm

I am so sorry for your heartbreak. May God grant your dear family peace and healing. You have been so strong; rest in His arms.

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moonchild

October 21, 2013 at 6:25 pm

Prayers for all heaven has a new angel God bless you all.

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moonchild

October 21, 2013 at 6:26 pm

Prayers for all heaven has a new angel God bless you all.

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Sherrie - Owner

October 21, 2013 at 6:31 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I have been in the same situation of going thru a birth and knowing we wouldn't be taking our son home too. Spend as much time as you need with him and remember you are still his parents. Now you will always have an angel watching over you. Mother of Jacob Eli 6-8-2000. God Bless You and your family.

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Lisa

October 21, 2013 at 9:15 pm

your posts have been beautifully written. I hope you and your family find peace and comfort. thank you for sharing your story. will keep you in my heart. <3

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Kerry C

October 22, 2013 at 12:54 am

I read this post earlier today. I shared it with my fellow bloggers. None of could finish reading it. We mourn with you. We have felt similar loss.

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bucketsmith

October 22, 2013 at 2:01 pm

I am so heartbroken for you. I found your blog, somehow, and have been hoping all the best. I am so saddened to hear your news. I lost my baby almost 3 months ago. He stopped growing and moving. I was 32 weeks. He was 27 weeks in size. I tell you this for strength, giving birth to him, the most incredible and amazing thing I have ever done. He is my first child. So very sorry for you. Find your

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L.Pink-Sewell

October 22, 2013 at 2:36 pm

You are stronger than I could ever be. Only Heavenly Father truly knows how to wrap His loving arms of comfort around you at this time. You're an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing your story. If it helps, my dear friend, who lost her baby at 30 weeks (had to deliver and all) took the time to get some pictures of foot prints and little hands. She did not share them right away, but kept them

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Karyn

October 22, 2013 at 5:25 pm

So Sorry. You and your family are in our prayers.

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Japolina

October 23, 2013 at 5:45 pm

I'm so sorry. Hugs to you and your family

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Aimee

October 23, 2013 at 9:12 pm

I am a distant cousin to your husband and I just heard the news today about your sweet little boy. I am so sorry for your family's loss. I can't even begin to understand what you have been through this last little while. You have an amazing spirit and strong testimony of the gospel! This reminds us all to be forever grateful for our Savior and the knowledge we have of eternal families.

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OneMommy

October 24, 2013 at 10:13 pm

So deeply sorry for your loss. Praying for what I know is a difficult week ahead for you and your family.

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Ashley Phipps

October 27, 2013 at 3:37 pm

Thank you so much to everyone for all of your kind words. Your well-wishes, thoughts, prayers and kind words mean the world to my family. They all truly help to strengthen and uplift us during this time. Thank you so so much!

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Allan Philip

October 29, 2013 at 9:07 am

Dear Ashley, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter who was almost two and to this day my heart cries out when I think of her. God blessed us with two more beautiful girls who are 13 and 11 now. My heart goes out to you and your family and I will be saying a prayer for you. Life is such but God our father knows best and He will heal and comfort you with time.

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Rachel

October 29, 2013 at 3:12 pm

Families are forever! Imagine the glorious day when you will be reunited. So sorry for this heartbreaking trial. Stay strong.

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marissa | Rae Gun Ramblings

October 29, 2013 at 4:16 pm

Lots and lots of hugs Ashley. I am praying for you and your family. It really sucks! I know it was expected in a way but it's just terrible. I have really admired your attitude during all of this. Thank you for sharing with us. I pray for strength and comfort and more hugs.

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Georgia Niekamp

October 29, 2013 at 5:28 pm

We lost our little girl to Trisomy 18 at 24wks on July 29 2013. I know exactly how you feel. You will be in my thoughts as you go through this difficult journey. No words can express my sympathy to you. Praying you find comfort and healing in this time of grief and sadness. 

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Heavy heart

October 29, 2013 at 10:51 pm

Dear Ashley, Oh how my heart aches for you and your family. The gaping hole and pain in your hearts is heavy. I found your post by "accident", and felt compelled to share. Our family just lost our beautiful son to the same heart breaking diagnosis only 2 short months ago, he lived for 42 sacred minutes. The reason I wanted to write is, even though our stories are

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Jeanine H

October 30, 2013 at 8:38 pm

My heart will never be the same after reading this story. Thank you for sharing your experience. I have a baby cousin whom lived 52 short days due to Fathers Chromosome missing issues... I have also lost two siblings very young to situations almost identical to yours ... I send you and your husband prayers support condolences and too agree with the last commenter: Feel those emotions, even the

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Karah @ thespacebetweenblog

November 02, 2013 at 8:16 pm

Oh Ashley!! What an incredible story, I am so sorry for your loss and so impressed with your grace.

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Erica D.

November 02, 2013 at 10:41 pm

I'm so so sorry Ashley. I just now found out. I can't imagine and I have tears for you. Praying for your family and your hearts. -Erica Deuel

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{Carli}

November 07, 2013 at 5:12 pm

I do not know you but have followed your blog! My heart aches with you and as I have read your story our families experience comes flowing back to me. I am so so sorry, I pray you may feel peace and comfort as you grieve. Know that you have a very special boy watching over his loved ones! Keep your amazing positive attitude! You will be such a blessing to others who loose a child! Thank you for

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I'm not from around here

November 25, 2013 at 1:22 pm

I'm jumping all over your posts.. But wow! You couldn't have put more perfect words to what my heart is feeling.. "And while we mourn the loss of our son we never knew, we also mourn the loss of our hopes and dreams. We mourn the loss of our family not being fully complete on this earth. But we know that one day, we will meet him again and we will get to be with him forever.&

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Becky

November 25, 2013 at 7:31 pm

I am so thankful that my new, sweet friend that God has sent to me (Jaime, Jude's mom) led me to your blog. I have spent the last hour reading it all. It feels like I could have written the first half myself. We found out 13 days ago that we had a "greater than 1:3" for Trisomy 18 result for the Quad screening. We went in for a Level 2 ultrasound two days later which confirmed our

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Christine Taft

December 19, 2013 at 8:44 pm

Praying for God's comfort for u and ur family.

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Jelli B.

January 21, 2014 at 8:16 pm

Praying the Lord overwhelms you with peace and joy.

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Tyson and Kendyl

February 05, 2014 at 10:13 am

Hi Ashley. My name is Kendyl. I am so very sorry to hear about your sweet little boy. I too am a mother of an angel baby. I gave birth to my beautiful Kenlee, this past August. I was 10 days early and had no idea that there was anything wrong with our little girl until she was born. She was diagnosed with full trisomy 18. We had her for one wonderful week. I have been on the rollercoaster

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Anything Under the Sun

February 19, 2014 at 2:41 pm

Prayers for you and your sweet angel. May your blog give courage to every reader. You are a strong woman with a loving heart.

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